Viva Las Vegas

Dear Webster...

2010-01-19T18:37:00.000-08:00

We offer tours of our office. I know that it doesn't sound like it could get much more fun than touring a corporate office in Henderson, NV, but one tour guide makes it even more exciting by his misunderstanding of the English language.

When passing by the row to which we refer to as "Monkey Row" he starts off by saying, "and now we are coming to the Infamous Monkey Row." Monkey row is where our Senior Management sits, i.e. CEO, COO, VPs, etc.

Perhaps the executives spent their youth burning up mail boxes or stealing candy from babies. Maybe they beat up old ladies, sold drugs on the street or in some way disgraced themselves and their families. In any event, I do think I need to discreetly explain what infamous means, and how he should STOP using the word.

Shopping is evil

2009-11-22T20:23:00.001-08:00

I don't much like to shop. In fact it is one my least favorite activities. But I find myself every few years with a closet full of falling apart clothing that have faded, shrunk, stretched, pilled, torn, or some combination of those.

I found myself in this situation recently. So today we went to the outlets. Malls may be terrible, but outlets are way worse. It seems that people pay no mind to those around them. One woman stood in the middle of the walkway looking at something, or perhaps someone. We slowed when we came up behind her and decided to walk to her left. That is when she decided that she needed to take one step to the left and then stop...suddenly. (Arg)

The food in the food court is about $3 - $5 more than at the actual stand alone equivalent. For example, Jeremy bought a 6 inch Subway sandwich with a drink and chips and it was $10. $10!!

Despite all the horrible things about the outlet, I did walk away with several new sweaters that are pill-free, and a few shirts that should last me for the next 4+ years when I go through it all again. (preemptive sigh)

The odd couple

2009-10-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

Today I saw a guy walking two dogs. One was an enormous Great Dane. The other? The world's tiniest chihuahua.

Neat.

Brain melt down in 5...4...3...

2009-09-18T18:19:00.000-07:00

I finished working on a document on my computer this morning. Then I printed it and scanned it to myself, so I could have it on my computer.

I left early before any other brain malfunctions could occur.

One visit to the doctor: $60. One round of bloodwork: $50. One lifetime of incredibly expensive medical care: Priceless.

2009-09-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

It is sad to realize, while sitting in open enrollment for the new Benefits period , that the money that should last a person an ENTIRE YEAR and would cover regular doctor visits, blood work, prescriptions, will only last me ONE...count 'em...ONE...month. That's right, 1 month.

After that, I pay 10% of the cost of whatever I get done up to a set dollar amount which isn't terrible, but still. One month?

Stupid expensive old lady body.

Las Vegas Cat Walk

2009-08-19T07:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Jeremy and I went out for brunch and ran some errands. Not a strange event to do on a Saturday afternoon in Vegas. Apparently, all the bizarros of Las Vegas decided it was going to be their day to go out as well.

It started at the restaurant. It was a great local bagel cafe. In fact, that is what it was called: the Bagel Cafe. Very tasty food, and, all in all, pretty much regular people. Then walked in Old Lady Vegas and her, I am guessing, husband. She was approximately 1000 years old with shorty curly old lady hair. What made her super was her floral 1980's dress with lacey white stockings and bright blue high heeled sandals. She had an oxygen tank, and tubes running into her nose, and talked like she was straight out of a New Jersey mob flick.

While we waited in line at the register, there was a tiny father and daughter purchasing something from the deli and wanting to get a refund on a 1/4 pound of liver they had purchased 3 weeks prior. The manager told them that he couldn't refund them since they never complained. The teeny man said he didn't know he should.

What?? Had he never shopped or eaten anywhere EVER? It was as if the process of sending something back or calling to complain was totally foreign.

Yes, restaurant waitress, I would like a refund of $10,000 for a large purchase I made a year ago but didn't like. May I expect a check in the mail?

But it gets better. As we drove home from Lowe's to buy some hose that we chose, (Blows, dose, rows, foes, woes...) we saw a woman with a do unlike any other. Jeremy said, "look at her hair!" I thought she was wearing one of those fuzzy Russian hats, because her hair was square and about 3 inches above her head. It even came down to form ear flaps and a neck barrier. She was also smoking a Virginia slim, or one of the 8 inch long super skinny cigarettes that little old ladies smoke while playing the slots. She wore a little tight tank top, and I could find no signs of a bra. She hustled across the street because apparently she had to buy some car radio supplies...urgently.

With all the style I saw over the weekend, how could we be anywhere else but Vegas. Home sweet home.

Hide your children! No butts are safe!

2009-06-17T21:55:00.001-07:00

Hello, my name is Liz, and I own a butt biter. That's right, my cat, Jezebel, is a bona-fide tried and true butt biter extraordinaire. Let me explain.

Jezebel is what one would call a bit of an affection whore, hence the name. She LOVES to be petted. She especially enjoys a good rubbing when a person is using the toilet. It doesn't matter if that person is planning a long visit or a quick in-and-out job. She comes in with motor a-blazin' and she rubs up against your leg, or the cabinet, or door, or whatever she can rub up against to get the love-fest started. Being that she is too cute to resist, I or Jeremy will begin to scratch her chin, back, grab her cat bag, etc. If I stop for any period of time she comes over to "rub" her face up against my exposed thigh. Then she opens up her mouth and bites your leg-butt. The leg-butt is the area between your upper thigh and cheek that tends to squish up when sitting on the toilet seat.

I had never actually experienced this before. I am not sure why; maybe I never gave up petting her. Jeremy had told me about this alleged butt biting, and I laughed thinking he was kind of mistaking her face rubbing mixed with the occasional exposed tooth to an actual chomp. No sir, today as I sat for only a moment, Jezie came in, like always, and when I stopped rubbing her for for mere seconds, she came over and nibbled my behind.

Shameful. Despicable. Adorable.

Gettin' Fancy!

2009-05-04T19:12:00.000-07:00

Last night Jeremy and I went to see David Sedaris do a reading at UNLV. It was great. He was fabulous, funny, entertaining, and all around super duper.

The line to have our tickets taken, started to back up a bit, and we found ourselves behind a group of 4 middle aged white people. 3 of the four people were dressed like they were seeing a show. Not a fancy Opera, but more like Business Casual. The man wore slacks and a button up, and the two women wore skirts and some sort of blouse. But one of the men in the group decided to go all out super glam. He wore a button up shirt, a tie, green khaki shorts and Teva sandals. That's right, shirt and tie plus shorts and sandals. He was the clothing version of a Mullet. Business on top, and party on the bottom.

I think I should revoke his right to dress himself.

In-house exterminator(s)

2009-04-26T18:12:00.001-07:00

We have had the world's largest hole in our screen door for the past few weeks. We have had a smaller version of it for about three years, but it has grown into the largest hole only recently. It started because our electricity meter is inside our sunroom. The dogs have access to the sunroom from the family room on their way out to the dog-door to go the the bathroom while we are at work. When the meter man/woman comes once a month he/she must look through our sliding glass door, through the snarling dogs, and read our meter. They don't ask us to move our meter, so it has remained where it is. But, when the said snarling dogs jump up to try and bite the face off of the meter wo(man), they also scratch the screen. Long story short, they have created a hole at Steve-o height that has grown to the size of a volleyball.

At night, when the screen door is open, since we live in Las Vegas, and it is wonderful outside, all the moths, in Las Vegas, come through the giant hole and fly into our house towards the florescent lights in the sun room and in the kitchen. The cats and Suzi want to kill these moths. I am all for this.

I can tell when there is a moth in the house in three ways.

1) When I go into the kitchen the moths fly at my head

2) There is a cat on the counter staring at the ceiling -- at which point the cat is yelled at, shooed off the counter, and cleaner is applied to the area where their rump just rested

3) Suzi is running around the room staring at the ceiling with her ears in full triangle mode

Last night we had two moths in the sun room. Vern was first on the case. She was chirping and jumping around, but she is only a foot tall and can't get up to get the moths once they fly above her head. So Jeremy lifted her up and she put her nose right up to the moths and try to grab them at the ceiling. The entire time she was in the air, her paws were spread with claws out. It was awesome. She was in full attack mode, but he could only hold her up for about 30 seconds at a time because he was laughing too hard.

Then Suzi came in, and was rushing around the room after the moths. Jeremy would brush them off the ceiling and she would lunge. They would fly up, he would brush off, she would lunge. This continued until eventually it swooped down far enough that she caught it in her mouth, and she ate it like a dog treat.

I love my pets.

Lake Tahoe Fun

2009-04-17T21:02:00.000-07:00

We went to Lake Tahoe last week for a little fun in the woods. We rented a cabin, brought the dogs, and had fun exploring the chilly shores of the lake. Here are some photos of the dogs very much enjoying themselves in the water. It is amazing how a lab can swim in a lake, while at home actually chatter their teeth when getting a bath with the hose when it is 80 degrees outside. I think somebody might be a little bit of a drama queen dog. That would be Suzi.

Back to the photos...

The whole family - minus the cats of course.

Don't take away my kitty

2009-03-17T07:19:00.000-07:00

Last night everyone was coming into the bedroom for a good night of Zs. The entire family sleeps in one room. Steve and Suzi have their own beds, and the cats share our bed. It is a very hair filled room, very little of which comes from Jeremy or me.

Vernie was on the bed acting adorable and I came over to give her some scratches. She was quite pleased and gave me the squinty I-love-you-so-much-mom face. She purred and made tiny little happy sounds.

Then I picked up my book I had set down next to her. I picked it up and managed to drop it on Vern's face.

"Oh no, Vernie!" I said.

She ran out of the room and under the guest bed. I went in to try and make her feel better. She saw me and moved to the other side of the bed. I went to the other side, and she escaped into the dining room. Hiding under the table she wouldn't even look at me. I managed to pet her head for a minute and then she ran into the living room to hide behind the couch. I went behind the couch and she went under the coffee table. Finally I managed to pick her up, and she remained in brick form. No purrs, no claws in my back to keep her from falling off. No, she simply remained stiff and mad.

I finally gave up. About 15 minutes later she decided to forgive me and came back to bed. I was reading the drop-on-Vern's-head book, but she didn't mind. She came over, and I moved the book to make room. Except when I moved the book I managed to take out one of her legs.

I am a horrible mother.

Shake harder boy!

2009-03-02T18:11:00.000-08:00

For the past few, well more like 12, months we have been paying Las Vegas Water Authority a hefty sum. We thought it was due to the fact that we have a pool in our backyard, and we had never had a pool, so pools must be expensive, and the Water company would never let someone continue to pay large amounts when we are in a drought and wasting water, right?

Wrong.

They don't care about saving water. They want to collect people's money, every month for all eternity. They do not want to come out to your house and tell you that you are wasting water. We even called when we found out what other people's water bills were each month. We have a friend who pays about $8 - $10 per month. What?! We pay about $150 a month. Something is not right. When we called to say that we thought we might have a leak, they said, "oh no, that is totally normal to pay that much."

Wrong (part 2)

We brought a plumber out who helped us find a MASSIVE leak in our front yard. Now how much do we pay? $18.

Bitches

Poor planning...or excellent product placement?

2009-03-01T12:14:00.000-08:00

**Viewer discretion advised - the following blog may contain subject matter that may be icky or perhaps funny. You be the judge.

I was watching "Bones" this morning. "Bones" is one of my new favorite shows, and it is on in syndication constantly on TNT. It is about a forensic anthropologist and an FBI agent who work together, with other Jeffersonian Institute Science people, to solve murders with what remains of bodies. It also has new episodes on Fox, but enough about how I love the show and everyone should watch.

The episode was about a man found in a bathtub filled with chlorine bleach and drain cleaner/un-clogger. The man's skin was beginning to fall off, bones were being eaten away, even the top of his head came loose from his scalp. All gross, yes?

Well, the characters then went on to describe how the drain-o/liquid plumber product was so corrosive, that it was eating away everything. How they only had soft pieces of bones and skin to figure out what had happened to the man in order to solve his murder.

Then...the first commercial break, and who was the sponsor?

"This episode, brought to you by Liquid Plumber."

Ew.

Who's going to see David Sedaris?

2009-02-18T22:25:00.001-08:00

I am! Yay!

(Conga line song playing in head)

I am super excited. I love him. He is the superest. Yes, I decided that he even deserved a new word.

Yay Scabs!

2009-01-27T21:30:00.000-08:00

was a bit of an email I received from a friend. Never have I agreed more. Because, when a person has shingles that seem as though they are trying to destroy you by way of hundreds of tiny blisters, scabs mean the end is near.

When the blisters stop being blisters the pain is reduced. The skin around the area where the blisters have been residing remains tender, but tender I can deal with. It means I can wear shirts that touch my skin. It means I can sit in a chair with my entire back touching the back of the chair instead of my right side only.

When a person has felt like poo for a full week, it is amazing how good "okay" feels. So, yes...Yay Scabs!

Have a leaky roof? Not me, I have shingles

2009-01-24T13:15:00.000-08:00

And they hurt...badly! I have had them on my stomach and back now for a week. Horrible horrible horrible. Apparently though, they are very common. I have several friends who have had them as well. I won't post a picture of them because I don't want to scare away my readers (all three of them).

If I have any advice for people wondering if they should try to get shingles? Don't if you have to wear clothing. Clothing hurts the shingles, but is necessary if you have to go to work. Such is life.

Who needs all their neck muscles anyway?

2009-01-06T10:57:00.000-08:00

Not me! This morning as I lay in bed thinking, "Oh boy! I can't wait to sit around all morning and wait for the plumber to show up," I was suddenly assaulted.

Jezebel had snuggled up next to me. She is normally a very cuddly cat, but ever since we got back from Montana, she has attached her self to me, and anytime I sit for longer than 10 seconds, she is on my lap. I am not complaining, just describing her snuggle-ocity.

I don't know what woke her up. Perhaps it was the shower curtain closing or dog tail wagging against the wall. Not sure. But she woke up and tried, I emphasize "tried," to jump over my neck and investigate the noise. Somehow she tripped, and instead of jumping over me, her back leg landed square on my throat causing me to cough and wake me up from my waiting-for-plumber daydream. It isn't pleasant to have a 300 pound cat leg stab your neck first thing in the morning.

Frosty the Snow Plow

2008-12-28T16:57:00.000-08:00

Over the holiday, Jeremy and I drove to Montana. On the way, I watched the temperature drop and drop and drop.

And then we rounded out the drive with a final temperature of...

That's right. Zero Degrees. Compared to Las Vegas, that is just about 45 degrees cooler.

Feline Photo Help

2008-12-10T21:55:00.000-08:00

As you can tell, Jezebel helped us take our Christmas photo. Perhaps she should keep her day job of napping.

Phew

2008-11-05T18:44:00.000-08:00

The good guys finally win!

President Obama has a pretty nice ring to it if you ask me.

Guard Dog to the rescue

2008-10-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

As I drove to a dress fitting this evening, I was stopped at a light. I looked over and saw a very fierce looking pit bull mix skulking. He was gray and white, although that has nothing to do with his skulking. I saw him quietly pick up each paw and inch closer to his prey. Then he took off running, and a POOF...a flock of pigeons flew into the air.

The pooch looked very sad that he had caught not one of the birds. After gathering his back his ego, he returned to guarding the cars in the fenced yard.

The Debates

2008-10-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

The debates are on TV right now. All I can say is that McCain is a stinker.

That is all.

-Registered Voter

A life saved

2008-09-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

Today as I chatted away on the phone with a friend, I passed by the pool. Floating like a miniature crocodile, was a little tiny lizard. He was covered in wonderful little spots, and if he were to grow up big and strong, he would continue to eat the bugs that linger in my backyard.

I must save him!

So I looked closer and in doing so, brought him to the attention of Suzi. Suzi enjoys keeping the pool clear of leaves and bugs. She reaches in and eat things that float close to the edge. The lizard was no exception.

I grabbed her collar, and said, "No!" She decided she didn't understand this command and reached her head in again.

"No Suzi!" I said again. Then Steve-o decided he wanted in on the action. Now I had two dogs to fend off while holding a cell phone and scanning my backyard for something to rescue the lizard.

"No dogs! Bad dogs! Stay!"

They wagged their tails and licked their chops. They wanted to eat Mr. Lizard.

I found a barbecue brush that lay on the pile of bricks in the corner. Perfect!

I scooped up the lizard, who moved a leg (Yay! He is alive!). He rested on the top of the brush absolutely perfectly still. I am sure he hoped that if he didn't move that I, and the dogs, would not ingest him. I put the brush on the ground...no movement. I shook it a little...no movement. "Darn you lizard. You have to get off the brush," I thought. I took him to our now empty veggie garden and set the brush down. I assume he eventually realized we were not going to eat him, and he skittered off to his home, but I am not sure. The last I saw of him, he was alive but frozen. I hope he grows big and strong and eats lots and lots of cockroaches.

Farm in Las Vegas?

2008-09-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

Yes! There is a farm in Las Vegas! It is called Gilcrease Orchard, and it is great! I don't know if it is organic. I highly doubt it, but it is local, which is wonderful. Jeremy and I picked Zucchini, Eggplant, and Apples. It is a little late in the season for tomatoes and we couldn't find squash, but it looked like some tomatoes would be available in a couple weeks.

I made a super yummy apple pie from all the apples we picked. My first apple pie, and it was GOOD!

I don't have any funny stories and silly tales of animals. It was just really fun to pick our own produce. There is still hope for Las Vegas yet.

The Kindness of Strangers

2008-08-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

Jeremy and I returned home from running errands and we noticed that our recycling had not been picked up. I guess we had the wrong week. That's right, recycling is picked up every other week which is totally crazy. We recycle way more than bi-monthly pickups allow. Anyway.

We ran over the boxes and realized that our paper recycling bins were gone. The boxes and the shred bin. Crap. All of our bills are shredded, but what if we missed something. The only reason someone would take paper recycling would be for identity theft. Crap crap crap! So we got on the phone and cancelled all our credit cards that we receive paper statements for. We will be getting new numbers for a couple of cards. And when we do get our new cards, we will be signing up for e-statements. We should have done this before, but hadn't gotten around to it.

Buh. People suck.

Woops

2008-08-14T20:36:00.000-07:00

On Monday I called my friend in LA. I sang her a lovely birthday song on her voicemail, and I thought to myself, "Yay! I am a nice friend who called on her friend's birthday to wish her well."

(Okay, I didn't actually think that specifically, but something to that effect.)

Then today I checked my email after two days, and I received (not quoting):

Hi Liz,

Thank you for the nice birthday message. It made me smile. Since my birthday is actually tomorrow, you are officially the first to call.

Woops! Well, you win some; you lose some.

Just couldn't let that post sit

2008-08-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

I don't have much to blog about today. I am watching a very strange show called "I want to work for Diddy." I have found out that I do not indeed want to work for Diddy.

Now my toast is ready, so...I am going to eat it.

A little gross but...

2008-08-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

I have discovered the glories of fiber. Since I take far too many pain killers and steroids, I have a tendency not to poop on a regular basis. I talk with my friends about my backed up nature, and they recommended various high fiber cereals and fiber bars and stuff. I tried it. And it was good, but I don't like to eat cereal every morning. Sometimes I like myself some Eggo's or perhaps Cream of Wheat. So what now?

Metamucil is what. And it is GREAT! It is a little weird texture when you drink it, but I poop. I poop everyday! It is a wonderful thing.

Aaaaaahhhhhhhh. Success! If anyone has any issues like mine, then I give my full endorsement of this high fiber drink option. Yum.

Bears are scary

2008-07-26T04:19:00.000-07:00

I just had a scary dream about bears. I was in some snowy place like Utah, and for some reason I was hiking. I realize that this has to be a dream because why else would I be hiking?

Anyway, the bears were EVERYWHERE. And they very much wanted to eat me and any other person they came into contact with. They actively stalked people.

To escape the bears all the people in my dream, which besides Jeremy who was in it were all nameless and mostly faceless people, had to finish this sort of obstacle course. This involved tightrope walking, and lots of climbing of trees and things, all of which happened over the top of a river. Apparently, the bears did not cross any rivers and the land on the other side was bear free.

I couldn't shake the dream so I got up, hence the blog writing. This dream could have something to do with the very strange couple of days I have had at work. And no, there have been no bears trying to hunt me down...I think.

Old lady Suzi

2008-07-17T19:55:00.000-07:00

Jeremy left for a week long hike into the wilderness of Northern Nevada today. It had to be a well thought out exit because he could not take Suzi, but he was planning to take Steve-o. Suzi is getting a little older, and she can only hike for about 2 days tops. This was going to be a five or six 50 mile hike. Yikes. Steven is young and virile, so he would have no problem.

So we planned for me to be a touch late to work. He would pack up the car and then I would take Suzi for a walk leaving him and Steven. When we would come back they would be gone.

This is what happened. I leashed up Suzi, and Steve-o nearly imploded thinking he was missing out on something really fun. I walked out the door and could hear Steve-o wimpering and yelping and having a hissy fit.

Suzi was very excited as we waltzed around the neighborhood. I had to go to work, so I couldn't walk her too long. It was also freakishly humid for Vegas since we have been having rain storms the last few days (yay!) but it has come with hot and muggy weather (boo).

I got back to the house absolutely drenched in sweat, with no time to take a shower. Well, that isn't true; I could have gone in later, but I already took a shower because I wasn't thinking. Woops.

The sa,ddest part of the morning was watching Suzi search the house for Steve-o and Jeremy. Oh my that was so pathetic and adorable, and it broke my heart.

I gave her a peanut butter filled bone and left. She seemed pleased enough.

Poor little Suzi.

Do you push it?

2008-07-08T03:55:00.000-07:00

I returned home from Portland yesterday. It was a lovely trip. I was able to see my lady friends, their parents (mostly), my parents, my grandparents, and my furry little brother, Gromit.

My mom took me to the airport early to make sure that I had enough time to check luggage and all that. It wasn't super busy so we had time to sit and relax before going through security. We used the ladies room upon our arrival and I met a woman who has apparently been living in an underground bunker since 1972.

Most public restrooms that have been remodeled in any form have upgraded to water saving faucets, toilets, and hand dryers. I think any human being living in the United States understands this fact.

Well...every human being minus one. This lady stood over the faucet and, looking perplexed, pushed hard on the hand sensor to make the water turn on. Then she would hold her hands under the faucet and wait. Then she would push it again. "Why won't this work?" she asked generally to herself and me since I was next to her.

"It's a sensor sink. You have to hold your hands in the right place."

So she put her hands under the faucet again and then pushed the top of the sensor and then she gave up. She then moved to the next sink over and repeated.

"No. You need to activate the sensor."

"Sensor?" she replied.

"Yeah..." I said and went over to her sink and held my hand in front of the sensor so she could wash her hands.

"Oh, you have to hold your hand there the whole time."

No, I thought, but instead I nodded like she was right.

Had she never seen such a contraption? Never had a toilet flush while she sat on it? Never been to the movies and had the water suddenly turn on without her having to even touch anything? Hogwash. I am speakin' devil speak. No such thing exists!

Then she went over the paper towel dispenser and started waving her hands under that. Which, surprisingly, gave her no towels. Then she started to reach WAAAAAAAAAY deep inside to locate the towels. That dispenser was out. Any human being could have seen that. I noticed it right off. Why? Because I am a normal person with eyes.

I did not help her with the towels. If she was that dumb then God must have wanted her to remain damp.

The weather outside is...

2008-07-05T18:05:00.000-07:00

Gloomy. Why you might ask? Because I am in Portland visiting friends and family. I must admit it is a mighty relief coming from the convection oven that is Las Vegas, but it is seeming a little extra gloomy for July. Even if it is Portland.

It is 2:10am and I am up so might as well post.

2008-06-26T02:00:00.000-07:00

Why am I up? Because my hip is trying to eat its way out of my body along with my lower back, and instead of me allowing this to happen, I got up to eat a little something to enable myself to take yet another pain pill without my stomach exploding.

Anyway.

We are having a pet photo contest at work. The rules are generally, "take a cute picture of your pet(s) involving the company logo, i.e. a box with the logo, a bag, a t-shirt, etc., and turn it in by next week." The winner gets something special like their pet on the site.

I couldn't refuse this super offer of having one or all of my pets proudly displayed on the site. So I bought myself some shoes, also because I wanted some shoes and not just for the contest, and I brought home a perfectly good sized box. It isn't large, so the kitties could want to sit in it and possibly I could balance it on one or both of the dogs heads.

So far, the cats REFUSE to sit in the darn thing. So I put some newspaper in it thinking they would want to crumple on the paper and, in turn, sit in the box. No go. Jezie looked at the newspaper and wanted to play with it. Jeremy said, "why don't you take some of it out? Maybe it is too full." Good point. And I did. Then Vern sat in the newspaper I removed right next to the box but not IN the box. rassa frassa.

Then Steve-o pulled a "Full Steve-o" which involves him rolling on his back with legs spread open and putting one paw over his ear as if to say, "Woe is me." This always makes us laugh. So I put the box right next to him and took his picture. But with his junk proudly displayed in the picture, I thought it might seem to racy. Fiddlesticks.

Then I tried to make him sit so I could balance the box on his head. No go. He kept oozing back to the ground and box would fall over. Nothing.

I got some okay pictures of Jezie sitting next to the box, but what fun is a cat next to a box? Not fun at all I say. They need to be in it appearing much to large for the box, therefore oozing out of it, and then it is of course the winning photo, and they get to be online.

I am sure they have been doing all kinds of adorable things in and around the box while I slept or attempted to sleep while my limbs were turning against me. I have yet to turn on any lights in hopes of sometime returning to sleep tonight, but at the same time mostly likely missing all kinds of adorable and photo-worthy moments.

Buh.

Happy 250th Post

2008-06-20T21:43:00.000-07:00

I don't really have anything super exciting to write about, but I still very much love my car. And I received a "custom" door mat for my house from the dealership, which was nice. I use quotation marks around "custom" because it doesn't have my last name on it or anything, but it does have a "G" in the bottom left corner. I thought that was kind of neat.

I did have a hula hoop contest today at work which I totally won. Okay, not totally, but I beat my friend, Rebecca, by about three or four rotations. In my book, that is a successful woop-ass.

But you have to realize that my book involves virtually no physical exertion at all...so...yeah...it was a good fight on my part.

Oh! It is also a million degrees in Las Vegas. Now this post is officially a trifecta (sp?) of topics. Ta da!

Mine - I bought a Scion XD

2008-06-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

Phantom Mold

2008-06-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder how mold can grow invisibly in something, never to be seen by the naked eye, yet totally makes itself present when a person is attempting to enjoy their dinner?

Well I do. I made spinach pesto pasta which is a Kadel Family favorite. I like to eat this at least 3 - 4 times a month. It is easy, tasty, and fairly good for you.

But tonight, I sat on the couch, like all good American's do, to eat dinner, and I happily ate away at my Spinach pasta and then BAM! moldy taste in my mouth.

"WFT?" I thought. I saw no mold anywhere. The pasta: new. The spinach: frozen. The basil: dried. Perhaps it was the parmesan cheese. But I just bought that too. This is not to rule this out because my Albertson's has sold me many an expired item, which I find out about only when my cake is just about ready to go in the oven. I am always quite displeased, but luckily I live close enough to it to return my moldy items with a disgruntled face, not the item but me, and I get my money back. Rassa Frassa.

But I checked the dried cheese. No mold there either. Where the heck did the mold appear from? My plate? My fork? My subconsious? I don't know. But I am perplexed and a little hungry since I couldn't finish eating my moldy dinner.

Humph.

The wonders of Electrical Tape

2008-06-02T20:31:00.000-07:00

I heard from someone at work that rats and rodents tend to nibble on your veggies because they are searching for water. She suggested that I leave little bowls of water near the by the veggies that were being nibbled. I thought, "Why not? It can't hurt." So I went on the quest for rat sized bowls.

I didn't exactly have that in my possession. I did find three plastic cups from a party I had hosted at work. I took a bread knife and started to saw at it. It worked pretty well. I then covered all the edges with electrical tape.

I took the newly created bowls outside and filled them with water. Jeremy looked over and said, "What is the black all over the bowls?"

"Electrical tape," I said.

"Why?" he asked.

"So the rats don't cut their little snouts."

And for some reason he rolled his eyes. Hmph. I guess I am the only one looking out for the tomato nibbling rats in the neighborhood.

Yes...I taunt

2008-05-27T19:01:00.000-07:00

I taunted my pups with a potato. I am cruel. But it was funny to watch them carry the potato around like a big cigar. It made me smile.

Saved by the Bell

2008-05-25T12:03:00.001-07:00

I have been visiting my friend in Los Angeles this weekend and it has been great. She lives in a really cute apartment and LA is fun so far.

But last night we went to dinner and after dinner we went to a place to do some karaoke. We went kind of late so I figured that the line to sing would be super long. I was right. I signed up and the holder of the list said, "the line is really long but people who tip can be moved up."

"Ok. Here is a few bucks." She moved me up the list and all was right in the world.

I sang "Respect" because the song list was in alpha order by song and not by artist, and I never remember the names of songs except "Respect." I like to have it listed by Artist. Anyway, not important.

We sat there for a little bit longer and then another singer came up.

"California Dreamin" came up and who was up on stage? Mr. Belding! That is right, Mr. Belding from "Saved by the Bell." And he is a total creep. There was a waitress that went up with him to sing, and he kept pawing at her and she looked totally creeped out. Awesome.

He is also about 60 pounds heavier and much less hair than "Saved by the Bell" days. Totally made my weekend.

The window's window

2008-05-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was squeezed into Lowe's installation schedule. I was told, "It will be kind of a long window of time to wait. But I can put you down for 11 - 4."

"That isn't too bad," I said. Little did I know.

I had to get a tire fixed that had a leak from the valve. Then I rushed back home to wait. You never know when they might show up.

I got a call at 10:45am saying, "Hi Liz. This is so and so. I just wanted to make sure we picked up all the right items for the install. (YAY! - I thought) It will be a little while before we get there though. (BOO!)"

So, I was really excited. A little while was, in my mind, maybe three hours. No problem! Not so. At 3:00 I received a call saying, "I am sorry we are running late. It will be an hour to an hour and a half until we get there."

So...4:30 I thought. Again, not ideal, but only a half an hour later than expected. At 5:45 I called, "Um...are you guys coming?"

"Oh yeah, we are right outside."

"Ok (rassa frassa)."

So they worked and worked and worked and at 7:10 they finally finished. It took EIGHT HOURS to install one kitchen window. Buh. My day was absolutely shot. I had planned to finally make it it the SPCA to play with kitties - no good. I had hoped to swim - but I didn't want to be in my swim suit when two people I didn't know showed up - no good. I also refused to put on the A/C because I didn't think I would be inside sweltering all day. And I still am not ready to be hooked to the A/C even though it was like 100+ degrees outside. Blech.

The dogs were puddles. The cats were puddles. I was a displeased puddle.

But now all our of new windows have been installed. Finally. And they are lovely, and energy efficient and all that, so I guess it was worth it.

Back to an old friend

2008-05-15T21:19:00.000-07:00

I have rediscovered my love of Snood. The friendly faces. The way it sucks you in and doesn't let go. How I have missed you.

XOXO

Snood-lover

Feelin' all Old-Timey

2008-04-27T17:46:00.000-07:00

Today, we decided to replace our clothes-line line so we could stop using our dryer so frequently. Jeremy did, and I hung two of the three loads to dry in the sunshine. I didn't do the third because I was washing the dog beds, and I wanted the massive hair accumulation to go into the lint catcher instead of remaining on the dog beds. Other than that I used good ol' sunshine to dry my clothes. I felt very old-timey.

It was nice though to enjoy the sunshine whilst hanging the clothes and likewise while taking them down and folding them. Spring time in Las Vegas is lovely.

Kitties

2008-04-26T13:38:00.000-07:00

Today I am going to sign up to be an SPCA kitty volunteer. I am very excited. But when I told Vern, my cat, she actually looked upset.

I realize that I am probably projecting, but still...it makes me think she has learned English. Perhaps she is living as a spy.

Just sayin'.

LOVE

2008-04-20T16:46:00.000-07:00

We saw "Love" by Cirque de Soleil last night. One of Jeremy's students was able to hook all of us, my in-laws, up with free tickets. It was an incredible show. I have never seen on of the cirque shows before. Super Awesome.

I realize this is a remarkably boring post.

So check out this link for some laughs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHXBL6bzAR4&eurl=http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/

Ahhh Friday

2008-04-18T19:53:00.001-07:00

It has been quite a week. I think things are really going to turn around and it will become really great. I don't want to go into because...well...too much to go into. But I am really excited for the future, but for now I will enjoy my weekend.

More skills

2008-04-12T10:21:00.000-07:00

I think I need more haircutting skills. I have been cutting my own hair now for many years. Well not consecutively. For a while after I graduated I was growing my hair out, so I didn't want to to cut it. But it was really damaged, so I needed a haircut, but I couldn't afford it. Oh those were the days.

Not enough money to pay for food, clothes, rent, haircuts. Wee!

Now I guess I could afford a haircut, but it is so freakin' expensive in LV. I think the price of the cut should depend on how much hair is cut off. I only need a little shaping. My hair isn't that long, so maybe 10 bucks? But no, they would charge me like $75. WTF!

So I have been cutting my own. When I would cut it short it would be fine, but now I am trying to grow it to like a short shaggy Winona Ryder in "Reality Bites" type cut, and it is getting weird and poofy, and I am afraid I will be growing a bit mullet-ish soon. Yikes.

So I will be attempting to shape the back a bit, and stop the mushroom from developing over my ears, and see what happens.

Wish me luck.

Dear same person from yesterday,

2008-04-10T18:46:00.001-07:00

Why would you remove the knife from my neck and place it in my right hip?

Why not just remove it entirely? Hmm?????

That is all.

Sincerely,
Liz

Dear Person who has stuck a knife in my neck,

2008-04-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

Please remove it.

Thank you,
My neck muscles

Had to put this up too

2008-03-30T19:08:00.001-07:00

I just uploaded a bunch of pictures from my camera, and I had forgotten that I have a picture of Steve-o wearing his new boots.

hahahahahaha!

Happy Anniversary!

2008-03-30T14:45:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Jeremy and my First Wedding Anniversary. How neat is that? I am all married and celebrating anniversaries now. We went up to Mt. Charleston and stayed in a cute little cabin. It was a lot of fun. Nice to get away and be with pine trees for a day.

No excusal

2008-03-21T16:56:00.000-07:00

I called my Rheumatologist to get excused from Jury duty, and they don't do those. An arthritis doctor doesn't excuse from Jury duty? Of an possibly specialty, it would make the most sense that a doctor specializing in painful conditions would give a written note. Arg. this is annoying. Now I have to go. I am a little interested in the processs, but I know that if I was by chance selected, that I would be in incredible pain sitting on those painful benches for an entire day or week or who knows how long.

I guess we shall see what happens. I imagine I would get excused if I was honest, right?

Keep your gingers crossed.

I got

2008-03-14T18:38:00.001-07:00

Jury Duty!

Buh.

A normal 3:00 AM activity

2008-03-11T20:44:00.000-07:00

Last night I couldn't sleep. I have been reading this really neat book about the company Patagonia and all the cool environmental things that they have done over the years. It got me all fired up, and I was thinking about how I could improve things at work.

Anyway, I was up still at midnight so I took one or my prescription sleep aids. Still up an hour later I took another. Still up after that, but severely drugged apparently, I got up. I took out all my paints, filled a cup of water, and painted a picture. A nice picture, but this morning I didn't remember doing it. Jeremy said, "what were you doing this morning?"

I thought about it and realized that I had painted a picture and it wasn't a weird memory. But I didn't know what it looked like.

I had even hung it up on the wall in the guest room. It looks nice. Jeremy said, ''you should always paint when drugged up."

I guess Sonata brings out the Monet in me.

Ah dreams

2008-03-09T19:44:00.000-07:00

I had a dream that I was going to get a 30,000 dollar raise. I woke up quite pleased thinking, "Wow! I am going to make a lot of money." And then I remembered that it was a dream and not real.

Stupid work dreams.

Homeless and need a pen

2008-02-25T19:37:00.000-08:00

Today as I sat at a stop light on my way home, the normal homeless man who is looking for food and/or money seemed oddly different.

He was holding a piece of cardboard, but it didn't have anything written on it. Just a plain brown square.

I wonder if it worked better or worse?

Perhaps tomorrow I will ask. Most likely, though, I won't.

I will just pretend that I don't have a soul and ignore him yet another day. Buh.

A picture blog, a picture blog!

2008-02-18T16:45:00.000-08:00

My life...

Jez turns demonic and takes over the bedroom TV.

Vernie wakes up from a nap.

Steve-o is a monster!

Then he feels really bad.

Then he gets a backpack and goes on a hike with Dad.

*****

I have a birthday, yay!

And we all wear hats!

And we play with the hats...

and play some more.

Then the dogs discover I received balloons. And there are quite pleased.

And yesterday, as Jeremy and I dug holes in the garden to plant our new tree, we find...

really old drug stuff. It was in a coffee can and buried. We first found a pipe and thought, "neat." Then we found the glass pipe and thought, "what the?" and then we found the tubes and such. Who knew it was in our garden this whole time? Not me. I guess the previous owners liked themselves some smokin'. I kind of got nervous and called the non emergency police. They said we could just throw it away, but not before taking pictures. It is kind of neat looking after all.

It's my birthday!

2008-02-16T07:19:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday to me!

While typing this, I am vacuuming my living room

2008-02-10T11:09:00.000-08:00

Jealous?

I received an iRobot Roomba for Christmas, and I love him. I have named him Stanley, and he is my friend. He is currently sucking up all the dog/cat hair that has accumulated under the couch, on the floor, on the rug, and I don't have to do it.

Here is an ode to Stanley:

Dearest Stanley, vacuum extraordinaire,
I love how you pick up my animals hair.
I love how you remove all the hair balls
That gather around the floor and the walls.
I love you for making the vacuuming easy.
I love how you make the Sunday clean breezy.
I will always remember the day you arrived,
And made my house less of a dive.

My book will be out shortly for you all to purchase.

Phew

2008-01-31T07:43:00.000-08:00

Turns out I am still not pregnant. Amazon sent an apology for sending the wrong email.

What a relief.

I'm having a baby

2008-01-29T18:47:00.000-08:00

Well at least Amazon thinks I am. I received an email that informed me that Jeremy and I would be receiving a baby gift from our baby registry. I didn't know I had a baby registry or a baby on the way.

News to me. We'll see if we actually receive something. Perhaps I can make the cats put on whatever cute thing we get.

Home Sick

2008-01-25T09:19:00.000-08:00

I feel there should be some law passed, that if a person is home sick they should be able to call the cable company and request what will be on television that day. There is nothing on. Perhaps my lack of interest has something to do with the fact that I feel like my glands are trying to eat their way out of the throat.

Can't a girl get a chicken?

2008-01-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

I want to raise chickens. Well, not really. I want to have a couple of chickens and eat their eggs. I don't want a rooster. I don't want any baby chickens. I want totally organic, free range, wonderful chickens that I can name and love and call my own.

But when you type, "Buying Chicks Las Vegas" into Google, surprisingly enough, you don't come up with chicken breeders.

If anyone knows how to obtain, legally I might add, a few chickens to house and feed and love, let me know.

I'm Singin' in the...CRUNCH!

2008-01-05T09:23:00.001-08:00

Yesterday Las Vegas held its monthly First Friday. It is an event where the local artists can show off their work. It is about the only cultural event that Las Vegas has, and it is usually really fun. But last night the weather was not in our favor. It was cold and wet and windy.

The reason I went to this particular First Friday was the Finals of a Karaoke Contest. I do love myself some karaoke, and any chance to get up on stage is fine by me, especially when I could potentially win some cash.

There were 20 singers I think. I would say more than half had really incredible voices. So we all sang, and the top 7 were announced. There were 7 cash prizes to give away. As they announced, some really great singers were down in the low spots and some average singers were up near the top. I thought, "hmm...why was that guy number 3?"

Then they announced the $1000 winner, and the entire crowd went, "Wha?" He was a totally forgetable, mostly average singer. I mean he had a nice voice, but some other people who didn't even place totally sang the socks off this guy and he won? WTF?!

I didn't win anything. Not the end of the world. Some other people who I thought should have won, didn't get in the top 7. Perhaps the judges had some weird way of judging that left out really good singers, and gave all the average singers of the world some cash.

I'll live though. I always like to sing. But when Jeremy and I got back to my car, a woman popped out of her apartment and said, "Someone hit your car. I was sitting in my house and I heard a crunch. I tried to get his plate number, but I couldn't see it before the car drove away."

Sure enough, the front of my car is scrunched. It looked like a big SUV sat on the front of my car. (grumble grumble grumble) Can't a girl get a break?

So far, off to a good start

2008-01-03T15:26:00.000-08:00

Here is an update on my stick-to-it-iveness so far in '08:

1. Do some sort of exercise or stretching every other day
I did a 40 minute Yoga video. Go me!
2. Pick up a hobby and not give up on it immediately. My new idea is sewing.
I have ordered my new sewing machine, and it should be here Monday
3. Eat better
I have worked my way through half a gallon of icecream. Oops.
4. Cook more meals each week
Not bad. I made Stuffed Peppers and tuna helper. I never said they had to be from scratch.
5. Audition for a play
Give me a break. It's the 4th.
6. Win a karaoke contest (There is one on Friday. Keep your fingers crossed.)
More on this later
7. Have a kickass vegetable garden. Go compost go!
I stirred the compost. It's looking good.
8. Work on being more environmentally friendly. I have almost entirely given up plastic bags. Sometimes it is all they have and I have forgotten to bring my canvas one. Maybe convince some people at work to stop being so wasteful or not throw away their cans/bottles.
Still throwing off the baggers at Albertson's. When I say, "I don't need a bag." They lok at me as if I am speaking some foreign language. "None at all??"

Go resolutions!

Almost 2008

2007-12-30T18:42:00.000-08:00

Time again to make some resolutions that I won't keep, but here's trying.

In 2008 I want to:
1. Do some sort of exercise or stretching every other day
2. Pick up a hobby and not give up on it immediately. My new idea is sewing.
3. Eat better
4. Cook more meals each week
5. Audition for a play
6. Win a karaoke contest (There is one on Friday. Keep your fingers crossed.)
7. Have a kickass vegetable garden. Go compost go!
8. Work on being more environmentally friendly. I have almost entirely given up plastic bags. Sometimes it is all they have and I have forgotten to bring my canvas one. Maybe convince some people at work to stop being so wasteful or not throw away their cans/bottles.

Those are my 8 goals for 2008. 8 is great!

Happy new year all.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

2007-12-15T10:34:00.000-08:00

I have a tendency to become very involved in whatever I am working on at work. I lose all peripheral vision, and I no longer see when someone walks up behind me.

Apparently, other people see this as well.

I was sitting at my desk sending an email or something computer related, minding my own business, when all of a sudden a guitar strummed loudly behind me.

"Son of a...!" I screamed.

Giggles radiated through the office.**

I turned around to find David, from IT, with a Sombrero, a poncho with the words "EL IT" sewn to the front, holding a guitar, laughing at me.

Now this happens once or twice every day. And he gets me every freakin' time.

I realize it is funny...ha ha ha...but I can't even make copies without thinking someone is behind me. I keep hearing the sound of that terrifying cord progression reverberating throughout the office.

I think I need psychological help.

But we, El IT and myself, have decided to learn a song and sing it at the next Karaoke day at work. Yay for Tenacious D covers!

I guess I forgive him.

**Since everyone I work with thinks this is so funny, no one tells me when he is sneaking by my desk. (shaking fist)

A meantime post

2007-12-11T19:03:00.001-08:00

I couldn't leave the poo post up any longer, but I have nothing to discuss at the moment. This is an in the meantime post.

I will think of something witty soon, and get back to you.

Liz

How could this go unposted?

2007-12-03T18:09:00.000-08:00

I went to choir yesterday as I do on Sunday evenings. It seemed a normal practice. There were a couple of people missing, but in December, I imagine this happens a lot.

Then our director walked in. He is a lovely man. I imagine he is about 500 or so years old. He cannot hear a word you say, but he can hear any and all wrong notes sung. He usually shows up with a pant leg tucked into a sock or, worse, his shirt tucked into his underpants. He wears suspenders most weekends, and usually one side has let go, and it will hang there half way up his back.

No one ever tells him these things. How could you? He is in charge.

But yesterday, he turned around to talk to the bass section, and what was tucked into the back of his pants, you ask? Toilet paper. Not too bad usually. Embarrassing yes, but not the end of the world. But this paper had little flecks of poo on the edges.

POO!

I didn't want to look, but I sit in the front row. It was all I could see. I couldn't tell him. No way. I guess someone must have since at the the end of the break, it seemed to be removed.

I think I will anonymously buy him a 360 degree mirror to put by his front door. That way he can do a full body turn before leaving the house.

Thanksgiving Feast

2007-11-23T13:18:00.000-08:00

We had 12 people over yesterday for thanksgiving. There were 14 of us in total plus two dogs and two cats who spent their holiday under the bed.

I had put in my 23 pound turkey in at 10am. The turkey bag said an unstuffed turkey would take 15 minutes per pound. Jeremy did the math and told me I could put it in at 10 and we could eat around 4. The Turkey did not agree with the math. It decided to not be done until 5:45. One of the kids that was over needed a minute by minute update on when the turkey would be done starting around 4:00. "Hopefully soon," I said. I had to wait to get closer to turkey time before I could make the mashed potatoes and candied yams and corn and heat the rolls.

Very frustrating.

But the turkey finally popped (well not really. We had no popper, but the temp read 180 and it was safe), and we ate too much and drank too much. And I think everyone had a great time. I was very thankful to have so many wonderful people to spend the holiday with. I finally feel like Jeremy and I live here, and we have a great set of friends.

I am very lucky.

Poor Steve is not so lucky. He played with the kiddos all afternoon, and he apparently hurt his tail in the process. He can't even lift it at all today. A lab with no ability to wag is a very sad lab.

Love is pain

2007-11-19T20:26:00.000-08:00

I was very excited when Jezzie wanted to crawl under the covers with me. She is very soft and fat and lovely to squeeze. She has a tendency to be bitey, but her tummy is soft enough that the occasional gnaw makes any tummy snorgle totally worth it.

I had crawled into bed with my jammies on, and Jezzie looked at me with her cute little teddy bear face on, and I couldn't resist holding up the covers for her to join me.

The purring immediately commenced, and I was gleeful.

I rubbed her face and her hindquarters and pulled on her tail and made little kitty noises at her. Jezzie noises are more like beeps, while Vernie noises are more guttural. Kitties are a plethora of sounds and fun.

As I made my self cozy in my feather bed spread clad bed, I thought, "What a nice kitten. What a lucky lady I am."

And then Jez stabbed me in the thigh with her big long claw.

She then got the boot.

Bad Kitty!

Dear Steve-o,

2007-11-17T19:55:00.001-08:00

Why must you steal my underpants from the laundry basket? They are not going to fit you, nor will they match your black suit.

I would like to keep my underpants in tact. I don't enjoy finding them in piles of vomit on my floor at 7:00 in the morning on Saturday. If you are going to steal them, don't give yourself away by throwing them up. Perhaps I could buy a little underpants keep sake box that you could keep under your bed. You could stock pile them in there, and I would never have to know. Perhaps I would eventually find out when I run out of undies entirely, but that would be in the distant future.

Thank you for all your consideration.

Your mother

shocking

2007-10-25T19:39:00.000-07:00

I went to Home Depot today to purchase some things for our Haunted House at work. I had to pick up some wiring to split open and use the innards to make an electric chair. So I found a guy in the wire section, and I said, "I need something with wires inside."

He said, "What are you making?"

"I am putting together an electric chair for a haunted house at work."

He said, "What kind of voltage are you hooking it up to?"

I paused.

"um...it's not a real electric chair. The wires are just for show."

"Oh. okay. Let me know when you are ready."

Now you know where to shop when you want to kill someone for real.

Feelin' breezy

2007-10-20T22:43:00.000-07:00

I am currently at Jeremy's school helping chaperon the dance. Well, I am not being all that successful since I am in his classroom writing this, but it is freakin' windy outside and I was freezing. The school held the dance under a tent with lights and if it had been yesterday it would have been lovely. But today a tornado decided to land on Vegas and the entire city is going to blow away.

So I asked to come inside so my legs wouldn't fall off, and I went to use the restroom. It was an uneventful trip. (TMI? sorry)

When I came out I was looking at the pictures of things on the wall waiting for Jeremy to come out so I could go back to his room to play on the computer when I felt a little drafty underneath my dress.

I had managed to tuck my dress into my underpants.

I guess I can't make fun of the guys in my choir who show up with their underoos showing above their pants with their shirts tucked in snugly.

Alas. I will have to nod with understanding now.

Hey man, you want some speakers?

2007-10-13T18:23:00.000-07:00

As Jeremy and I left Albertson's a man approached us holding two objects.

Man, "Hey man, you want some speakers?"

Me, "uh, no thanks."

Then I thought, "Why yes I do. It is my lucky day that you were standing in the parking lot holding the very thing I need. Why don't you watch my purse while I go in and buy groceries. Or perhaps you would like to come over and install them later. I could leave the back door unlocked for you. Would that work speaker selling man? I am sure those speakers are not stolen and you are not the shadiest man in the parking lot."

But I held fast to my original answer, and we drove home.

If only I had some pesos

2007-10-05T18:20:00.000-07:00

We received an ad for a local Mexican Grocery Store. We get a lot of ads in Spanish since we live in downtown Las Vegas. They are always fun to look at with their bright colors and excellent translations.

At Los Compadres Meat Market they are selling "Jamon Original Fud" for only $1.99. (okay they don't take Pesos, but it was a better title.)

The translation?

Beef Guts.

I'll take two.

That's what I call team work.

2007-09-22T10:17:00.000-07:00

The other day I was sitting outside enjoying the lovely fall weather in Las Vegas. Steve-o and Suzi had just been fed and they were rough-housing. Then Steve got comfortable and stretched out on the ground. Suzi came over gave him a kiss and then threw up on his back.

Steve-o looked back to see what substance had suddenly appeared. After giving it a once over he licked it up.

"Gross!" said I.

"That's teamwork," replied Jeremy.

And so it was.

I feel a little weird about blogging about this

2007-09-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

I do know that there are several people I work with who read my blog on a semi-occasional basis. But, it is a funny story, and I can't prevent a good chuckle.

A few days ago I was sitting at my computer reading emails and perusing cuteoverload.com, and Steve-o was doing his normal lay down right behind my chair thing that he does oh so well. There have been times where I have scooted back and rolled over an ear or toe or whisker, but he keeps sitting right behind me. I usually look before rolling, but I am human and sometimes I forget.

Anyway, I was sitting in my underpants and pj shirt and I let out a toot. It was an odorless exertion, but it made an excellent stereotypically fart-a-liscious noise. Then almost instantly after, Steve sat up and farted. His cheeks made perfect contact and he let out an identical toot. We then looked at each other as if to acknowledge each others outburst and then he got up and inspected Suzi's food dish, and I continued to look at adorable animals.

Some pictures and giggles from the great state of Texas

2007-09-11T20:50:00.001-07:00

This is my horse friend. He was painted on a wall in Austin, TX where I spent labor day with my lady friends from highschool.

This is a picture of our motel sign. We stayed at the lovely Austin Motel. That is what the sign says, but what does it remind you of? I bought a shirt for Jeremy with the sign on it and underneath it reads, "It's not what you think it is."

Finally, I saw this car stalled in the left lane, blinkers flashing, doors open, with the driver on the phone apparently calling his support. What made me take this picture (which unfortunately is very difficult to see) was the bumper sticker on the left side of the bumper that read, "Powered by Jesus." Tee Hee!

So many people

2007-08-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

After I had sung my song, which went well, I went back to my seat. The game still went on and I was super glad that I didn't have to be nervous anymore. Then they put the number of people in attendance up on the score board. There were just slightly more than 9600 people there. Jeepers! That is a lot of freakin' people.

I am glad I didn't know there were that many people before hand. buh.

Eeps!

2007-08-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

I am singing at the Las Vegas Minor League (triple A affiliate for the Dodgers) baseball game on Saturday. I have never sung in front of that many people all at once. My mother keeps reminding me that I sang in front of that many people over the course of the 4 week run of "Cabaret." But they all sat in the dark and I didn't see them looking at me, and for some reason it feels different. I am totally excited, but totally scared too.

I also feel like I am coming down with something. Of course. I couldn't do any performance without being sick in one way or another. I always always always get sick before I have to perform. Stupid body.

this post is totally boring. I apologize.

San Francisco Treat

2007-08-20T20:07:00.000-07:00

I was in San Fran this past weekend for my Grandfather's memorial. It really was a wonderful memorial. I heard amazing stories about him and his life. He is greatly missed.

But, I don't want to make my blog sad. My blog is a chance for laughter and mocking. So I won't go into it anymore.

I did hear a fascinating story from my friend. I am paraphrasing, but I'll do my best to give this story justice.

He was driving down a street which happens to be near where my brother now lives. He came to a stop because the car in front of him was stopped and all the cars around him were stopped as well. A homeless man was wandering around traffic holding a machete. This homeless man then climbed atop the hood of the car in front of him, still holding the machete. He then looked into the car and started licking his enormous knife.

Then all the people stopped in their cars immediately picked up their respective phones and dialed the police.

------

No matter what driving story I have in my repertoire, nothing will ever beat that one.

Surrounded by Idiots

2007-08-13T18:38:00.000-07:00

The entire company received an email today from the CEO about inappropriate ways people have acted at my company. Well, not my company, but the company I work for. You understand.

The company does all kinds of really nice things for the employees: free lunch, free insurance, free T-Shirts, huge discount, free snacks, free sodas, casual dress code, etc.

Today in the email we found out that the books the company buys for the employees to read, learn from, and return, have been being sold on eBay by a now Ex-employee who claimed they didn't know this was not okay.

Or we should not take cartons of soda and chips and candy bars home to feed our friends and family.

Seriously people? Do you also need to be told to wear pants, and shower, and not rub poo on your face, and pee in the toilet instead of in your houseplants?

No, you don 't. You are just evil and take advantage of the wonderful things provided to you. You must also steal from fountains, and eat a homeless guys sandwich, and kick puppies, and donate rotten food to orphanages and all kinds of other terrible things. You simply don't care about anyone other than yourself.

But, you do give me something to blog about. So I guess I thank you for your entertaining stupidity.

Buffalo Wild Wings

2007-08-07T21:08:00.000-07:00

Today I ate at Buffalo Wild Wings in Henderson, NV. while the food was okay, and the service was good. I couldn't believe the amount of waste this restaurant produces each day. They do not have any dishes of any sort. No plates, no bowls, no saucers, nothing. They had little paper "powls." this is my word combing plate and bowl like a spork. This is the sort of paper dish that a person would get fries in at a sporting event. They also only served plastic forks and plastic knives individually wrapped in plastic. They also serve their sauces in to-go plastic tubs with lids already in place.

I went onto the website and saw that to open a franchise you have to expect at least 5,000 people every day to come through your restaurant. I was served approximately 8 Powls with ranch and other sauces in plastic cups with plastic lids. If each restaurant had 5000 patrons with 8 powls and 2 plastic forks and 10 plastic cups for sauces that is 40,000 paper bowls, 10,000 forks, and 50,000 sauce cups. There are 450 restaurants in 37 states. This waste is mind blowing. It is so irresponsible and disgusting I am beside myself.

I will never ever go back to this place and be a part of this disgusting wastefulness. I hope you will join forces with me and boycott this restaurant. I have written a letter already, and hope someone contacts me.

Does anyone else find this terrible? I hope so!

200th Post!!!!!

2007-08-04T20:41:00.000-07:00

And to celebrate, I will write about my cat.

Jezebel, or little kitty as she is more commonly called, attempted to eat all of my food today. I woke up early and my tummy was kind of upset. (This is fairly common due to the amount of pills that I ingest everyday. blech) So, for breakfast I had Top Ramon. Apparently, little kitty wanted some too because as I sat and watched Saturday morning news, she kept trying to stick her nose in my bowl.

After being pushed away several times, she worked up a thirst and drank out of my glass of water.

Since I had woken so early, due to an early morning phone call from the hubs at his camp site in Idaho, I decided I would snooze on the couch for a bit. I didn't take my bowl to the sink like I should have, but I was sleepy. I was rudely awoken by the sound of little kitty licking out the bottom of the bowl and eating the noodle bits left.

I swatted her away, but I had to take my bowl to the sink, so my nap was ruined. Darn you kitty!

****

I can't stay mad at you. You snuggle so well. All is forgiven.

A good fish, gone

2007-08-01T18:04:00.000-07:00

Susan Jr. died today. I have no idea how old he/she was. I don't know her/his favorite color, or favorite icecream flavor. All I know is that she/he was a good fish and will be missed.

We inherited Susan Jr. from Susan, the old A/P supervisor. He used to be named Wesley, but that was changed when Susan Sr. left. Susan jr. may have been confused on his gender, but he didn't talk much so we'll never know for sure.

We had big plans of moving him over to a larger more glamorous fish tank, but the moved killed him. He swam frantically around for about a minute and then stopped breathing. He wasn't ready for the good life.

Goodbye Susan jr. You'll always have a place in my hear and a bowl shaped ring on my desk.

How to dress like a super awesome dude:

2007-07-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

Step 1: Spike thinning hair into 2 inch spikes all over head.
Step 2: Pick out flamboyantly, large printed, short sleeve button up shirt
Step 3: Tuck said shirt into pants and hike pants up above belly button securing with a belt
Step 4: Pick out blue or green crocodile shoes making sure they stick out several inches beyond pants
Step 5: Accessorize: gold jewelry on fingers, wrists, ears
step 6: Spray body heavily with cologne
Step 7: Give yourself two thumbs up and head out to the casino

Your night of fun has just begun!

As an extra you may want to practice your white guys moves: bite lip and point with your aptly names Pointer Finger. You are now officially an awesome dude. Go out there and shake it!

Grammar Lesson Part 2

2007-07-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

An actual advertisement mailed to me:
"Certain things
define who we are.
The movies, music, books,
work, art, and people
we love.
These passions make
our identity and
when we are without them,
we are less than ourselves.
No more.
Now no matter where you are
all of your passions,
your interests,
your essentials,
your indulgences...
your life
will be with you.
Giving you the power to make any world,
your world.
It's the freedom of knowing
whereever you are,
whenever you need it,
Your on."

Your = (taken from dictionary.com)

1.	(a form of the possessive case of you used as an attributive adjective): Your jacket is in that closet. I like your idea. Compare yours.

2.	one's (used to indicate that one belonging to oneself or to any person): The consulate is your best source of information. As you go down the hill, the library is on your left.

What is an "on" and why is it mine?

I am sorry advertisement from amazon.com, but you meant to say "you're" as in you are.

grumble...grumble..can't anyone edit anything anymore...grumble...grumble...

One is the loneliest number

2007-07-20T22:38:00.000-07:00

What is the most reassuring thing about being home alone? Having your two dogs bark into the darkness of the backyard.

I know they are trying to protect me, but come on Dogs! You're freakin' me out here!

Where does one keep a mattress?

2007-07-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

In the hallway of course. Where else?

Our bedroom and master bathroom are currently undergoing a face lift. The surgeon performing this surgery is my lovely husband. He is very handy. He has already installed a bathtub and surround, framed a wall, dry walled said wall, removed old pee carpet* from the bedroom, painted the ceiling, removed all bedroom furniture and placed it all over the house.

My dresser is in the office along with his. Our side tables are in the guest room, and our mattress and box spring are in the hallway.

Jeremy also wanted me to point out that I am the worst wife for him right now because he has injured his back in some way and his hip hurts all the time. Since I have hurt for approximately the last 20 years of my life, I don't feel all that bad for him. I mean, I am sad he hurts, but come on, a few weeks of some pain?! Peanuts. We'll talk again in say 10 years. I'll give you a half off deal because I am so swell.**

------------------------------

*Just a note: the pee carpet was not created solely by our animals. There is some previous owner pee mixed in as well.
**I am not that evil. I am sad he hurts. I keep giving him all kinds of good advice on how to cope with pain. I just know that I always win when it comes to the pain comparison. How can you compare chronic debilitating all-body encompassing pain with a jack hammer injury? You can't. That's how.

I hope

2007-07-15T21:06:00.000-07:00

I think I received the new Harry Potter for my birthday in February. A person can pre-order a book, and it will be delivered to your door. I just can't remember.

Mike, did you get this for me? Can I be excited for it to arrive.

I hope! I hope!

Driving School

2007-07-10T19:25:00.000-07:00

I saw a car merge left with its right turn signal on.

Welcome to Las Vegas!

The quiet guilty dog

2007-07-09T19:01:00.000-07:00

We have been yelling at Steve-o n ow for a year. We come home to torn up drapes, shredded couches, chewed on screwdrivers. We came home yesterday to find a box destroyed and the plate that used to call the box home, lay quietly on the floor. We didn't yell at Steve. We picked it up and he sulked in the corner. Then tonight as I walked next to Suzi's dish I found a puddle of doggy vomit. What was in the vomit you ask? Cardboard box.

Suzi has been lying to us. Bad Suzi!

I am sorry Steve. You are a good dog after all.

Dog Park

2007-07-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

We just went to the dog park. We had to go before 9 am or we would have melted in the heat. The dog park is nicely shaded. There were several other dogs to play with and everyone was nice. One man was a bit too friendly. he wasn't creepy, per say, but he was a bit of a "close talker." You might be familiar with this. It is a person who feels the need to invade another person's bubble when engaging in conversation. He wanted to tell me why he named his dog Bylo. To do so, he came up very close. I stepped back; he moved closer. I gave up. "My wife said it stands for Bite Your Leg Off."

Cute.

This dog will never bite your leg off. He was like an extremely tall Shepperd/Doberman/snuggles fabric softener bear mix.

He also wanted to tell me all about how he taught his dog to drink from a hose, but he was only willing to do this two inches from my face.

He was very nice though. And his dog was nice. There were a couple of very nice dogs for Steve-o to chase and Suzi to growl at when they came too close to her ball.

Even though Close Talker man doesn't understand personal space, it was a good time had by all.

Happy 4th!

2007-07-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

To go along with my previous post, Steve-o did something totally dog-licious.

Jeremy accidentally locked little kitty in the dog room all night. We have started clsoing the sliding glass door that leads to the sun room and locking it along with the doorway connecting the converted garage/dog room to the rest of the house. I found out that if a person pushed ever so slightly on the dog door and lifted it up, that it comes loose easily and any my sized thief could climb right in. This made me a bit nervous, hence the new lock the door policy at night.

I wouldn't mind so much if the dogs roamed the house, but they stay in the bedroom with us because Steve-o will still destroy any number of things.

Anyway, back to the story. I woke up the next morning to find the little kitty pawing at the sliding door. I opened the door and she leaped to her freedom. As I did so, Steve-o realized there was a little kitty gift next to his dog crate. I hadn't seen what he was going after until it was too late. He raced over and in two large bites snarfed up the pile of cat poo Jez left. I turned up my lip and wouldn't let him lick me for the rest of the day.

Dogs are gross.

Life's Questions

2007-07-02T19:16:00.000-07:00

I can understand a lot of things that animals do for fun.

Throwing up and eating it again. I get it. It's like eating dinner twice.

Chasing your own tail. Sounds super fun.

What I don't understand is why a dog would tear down a curtain. Chew up a screwdriver. Lick a kitty butt. Those things I don't understand.

Maybe someday there will be new dog/cat translating software, and I will be able to fully communicate with my animals. I may never leave the house, because what could be more fun than hanging out with talking cats? Not much.

Dear Rheumotologist

2007-06-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Doctor Man,

When we have a conversation about how many pills I need to take in a day I figure that you will write the presciption for the amount we discussed. instead, you write it for less and then I run out and then insurance won't pay and then I am stuck without pills all weekend.

So, I hope we have learned that when I say I take 5 - 6 pills every day, I expect you to write the presciption for 5 - 6 everyday, not 3 not 4. If you are treating someone for arthritis, you should not fear the pain meds. They are our friend. I don't sell them. I don't use too much. I am not a druggy. I am a patient who requires pain meds on a regular basis.

I hope we will change this behavior or I will have to come and kick you in the patoot.

sincerely,
me

As promised

2007-06-24T11:21:00.000-07:00

New Hair

2007-06-22T21:14:00.000-07:00

I am getting my hair cut off tomorrow! Yay! If it turns out well, I will add a picture.

This is your brain on drugs

2007-06-18T19:42:00.000-07:00

I have realized that I get stabbed in the arm too much. I actively thought to myself, as I was about to get more blood drawn, "perhaps I should have them stab me in my right arm so I my arms will be even with needle holes."

It is time science came up with a way to inject or remove liquids from the body through air molecules. Perhaps blood removal through the nose or the ears or something.

Note on my last entry

2007-06-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

When I said we lock the dogs up when we go to lunch I meant go to work. Apparently I think work is lunch. So Bon Appetite!